to know...

Oh to know who we really are! So the quest continues to find out who we really are and what we really want out life. Where will we go from here? Where will we be in 5 years? For me thats a pretty scary question. Mostly because I have NO CLUE!!! I don't even know what I'm doing next week. How can I see 5 years? Maybe I'll be married. Maybe I'll be in Timbucktoo. Maybe I'll be a successful designer. Most likely I'll be lovin life and riding the wave that God has thrown me on. Then again, why do we have to know? Do we have to know?

"To have a vision is to have life." I was once told. I would have to agree.

So why is it that I am so torn? Torn between running after what I love in the flesh or what I love in the spirit. I want to know God more than the very air I breathe and yet He hasn't taken me yet so I'm clearly meant to be here on this earth enjoying the very air I breathe. So I sit. i sit and ponder all of these mysteries of life. Wishing He would just talk to me and tell me what He wants me to do, where He wants me to be and who He wants me to be talking to. Its very hard when He gives us a choice in things. Or maybe we make it hard. Maybe its very easy and not hard at all.

So off I go to find out. I go to sit in His lap resting, hearing the rhythm of His heartbeat, His breathing..... the consistency of the essence of who He is.... the glory and grace of His aroma....... the comfort of that endless beat...... I fall asleep to that sound.... to that smell. Then He whispers into the very core of who I am, His thoughts, His desires, His feelings, His love for me, for the people around me and for the people I have yet to meet.

And a sigh comes.... from the depths ....... peace has covered me....... filled me....... overwhelmed me. From here I can get up and go as He directs. From here I can live and move and breathe and have my being. From this place fear has no hold, doubt cannot rule, worry cannot overtake. From this place I am whole. From this place all questions are answered in His one breath. Oh to stay here is what I long for. But the world axiously awaits. So I must go, with His words on my lips, His passion and love in my heart, walking hand in hand with Him.