A Laid Down Lovers Happenings

I have promised you all an update on what has been happening in my life. I went back a few years to give you a full scope of things as I see them. This one is a doozy so grab a bucket of popcorn and get comfy. This may take you a while. :)

2001 - At 14 years of age, a friend of mine and I went to South Africa with Teen Mania Ministries. God did some amazing things in me. He changed me a lot. Taught me a lot. Matured me a lot. An experience of a lifetime. He opened my eyes to the supernatural on this trip. He showed me His heart. During quiet time one morning, I had this revelation of God's heart. I realized that God would send me, a 14 year old girl from New Mexico, half way around the world to love on one person. Just one person. To hug and minister to one woman. There were other reasons in which sending me, but as far as the ministry side of things, I only affected one person over there. What an honor. What a revelation. That God could use such a young girl for His glory, to touch one person.

2002 - I continued to serv in my youth church with all of the zeal and passion I had. God taught me a lot during this time as well. We had been through several different youth pastors over the span of 2 years and our hearts were hardened. Trying to just keep the ministry afloat, a lot of us were beginning to be burned out. During worship one evening, God showed me a picture of the spiritual state of my church. In the game room, I saw youth laying all over the floor. Some were dead but most had very little life. Some were drowning in their own blood. A few could lift their finger but most had some sort of paralysis. I then saw other groups of people standing around with their friends. As I watched them, a few would leave to go to the restroom and they would just step over the ones on the floor. I noticed that one of the girls was complaining about a broken nail and another in another group was complaining about a cut they had. All of their little friends did everything they could to help both of the girls. When the Lord showed me this, I became angered. I realized that was the spiritual state of our youth church. Our pastor and youth leaders didn't care about the ones dying in their own blood, all they cared about were the ones in their little group. That year was a very difficult year for us and the church. We went through a lot of transition in senior leadership. I can honestly say I learned so much from all that took place. My dad stepped down from leadership in the church and began to avidly look for a church to pastor to fullfill his hearts desire.

2003 - My family moved to Silver City, so my dad could pastor a little church. It was one of the toughest things I had ever done up to that point. I went from a 1500 member church to a 25 member church overnight. It was definately a culture shock that I wasn't familiar with. I grew to really despise church. I began to understand what religion was all about from a different perspective. I saw how people were content with their way of life, not wanting to change or be uncomfortable. They wanted their God on a Sunday and maybe on a Wednesday but the rest of the week, they were content living their lives the way they wanted to. It really disgusted me. How could anyone just plainly live their lives apart from God? I didn't understand that insane logic. I have come to find out that a large number of Christians live that way. It breaks my heart to know that Dad is put on the back burner of our lives only to do what we want when we want. God please forgive us. We have no idea what we are doing.

2004 - I ran for Miss Rodeo Silver City and won first runner up. I didn't win the title but was able to do most everything the title did and then some other things because she couldn't fulfill her duties. I also started working in radio (I was a cohost of the Mojo Morning show with Jeff St. John. Radio is the best job ever.) And teaching kindergarten while finnishing my last year of high school by attending Western New Mexico Unniversity. It was a very hectic and exhausting year.

2005 - I graduated high school and went to Mozambique, Africa for three months to the Holy Given School of Missions put on by Heidi Baker and Iris Ministries. It was awesome. I was completely wrecked and undone. God overhauled me in more than one way. My older brother committed suicide while I was in Africa. That put me in an interesting place, spiritually. God brought a lot of dross to the surface in my life. He began to show me so much about my life and the things He was calling me to. It was amazing. A time I will never forget.

Also happening during the summer, my parents moved to Texas. I came home and spent 6 weeks in Texas with them, then moved back to New Mexico and lived with my aunt for 7 months, trying to sort out life and figure out what it was that God was calling me to do. It was a very difficult time. I had lost sight of the things that God had said while in Mozambique and became somewhat interverted. Trying to figure things out in my own strength. I finally realized that He was just calling me to be His daughter and just hang out with Him. Nothing more and nothing less.

2006 - Since returning from Mozambique, I desired what it felt like to truly love. I wasn't sure I knew what true love looked or felt like and so my hearts cry was for God to love someone through me. He answered my cry by put a guy in my life by the name of Bryan. He was gay and an ex-drug addict. He was 25 and absolutly beautiful. The first afternoon that I met him, God said "I want you to love him." I quickly told God that I didn't know how to love myself muchless anyone else. Then I looked into his eyes and something happened. God dropped this amazing heart of love and compassion for this guy who I knew nothing about. God had captured my heart with love for this guy. Over the course of two months or so, we spent ever day together. We disscused things in the Bible, talked about God and the things He was showing him. The things that took place in those two months are honestly mind blowing. For the first time I understood the unconditional love of God. To love someone that doesn't deserve it, a complete stranger that two months ago wouldn't have thought twice about and now ..... there is so much love that you feel as if you could explode. Truly an amazing time. (I will share more of this story in another post.)

In march of this year I went to a prophetic conference and God spoke to me about a lot of things concerning my life, changed my perspective a lot. In May I moved to southern Cali to take a job for a ministry as an administrative assistant and to be mentored by a man of God. Things didn't exactly pan out like everyone had hoped and so I came back to New Mexico and spent three months there. Those three months were the worst of my life. I hit the darkest place I have ever been. I spent the summer questioning life, church and God. Wondering what it was all for and why God had chosen me to be a part of His plan. I was angry and bitter and massivly depressed. At one point I found myself infront of a gun closet with a gun in my hand, not having any clue how I had gotten there or how the gun was in my hand. Needless to say the summer really took its toll on me. I found myself living after the flesh in most areas of my life. So to get out of what was familiar my cousins offered for me to come to northern California and stay in their loft for as long as I needed to and to do whatever it was that I needed to do. They flew me out here to get away from the pressures and responsibilities of home to seek the face of God. So for the past five weeks I have been whole heartedly seeking God. With no reservations. During this month God has shown up in ways only He can. He is revealing Himself to me in ways that only He can explain. I have been blown away at the grace and love He has so freely bestowed upon me.

While being here He had me go on a week speech fast where I didn't talk for a week. It was amazing. The grace of God upon that whole week was intense. It really opened my eyes to see how much God actually does talk to us if we will but listen. At the end of the week we had a prayer meeting at the local fairgrounds praying for the city, which I might add, didn't want to go to but God said go, so I did. At that meeting there was a gentleman who had just gotten out of jail a few hours earlier, had a call of God on his life and knew it, wanted to get things right before God and figure out what he was supposed to do. After about an hour and a half into the meeting we gathered around John to pray and God had me kneel at his feet bowing down to him. All of a sudden this power rose up within me and I began speaking exactly what I heard Dad saying. "You are a man of purpose. You cannot deny that." It was so so powerful. There was this loud boom, like a thunder head just cracked when I said those first words. It was absolutely amazing. Then God had me go back to him after I thought I had finnished and annoint his feet with oil. So I went back and had someone ask him to take off his shoes and socks and I knealt down once again to annoint his feet. While I was doing that, I could see Jesus kneeling there rubbing that oil into his feet. It was so so beautiful.

Future - I will head back to New Mexico in obedience to Dad. I should be there for about 6 months or so, maybe longer. Its all up to Dad. And then I have no clue. He has put me on this "need to know, will tell" basis. I don't get anything extra. Its kind of nice. There's so much freedom and peace when He's completely in control and all you have to do is obey. There is a guy who I used to know whom God has thrown him back into my life and he is moving back to New Mexico with me to assist in what God has planned. So I am very very excited about that. Dad is exceeding all of my wildest dreams.

In New Mexico, there will be a prayer night totally dedicated and focused on pressing into the heart of God. I have a feeling that it will turn into a 24/7 prayer thing but I am taking it one step at a time. There are a lot of things taking place from now til then so we will see what all God does and how he plays everything out. I am praying that I stay out of the way and let Him use me as an instrument as He wills when He wills.

So there you have it. That is the long awaited update on the craziness that God has been doing in my life. It is all to exciting. All over the globe God is preparing His bride for His return. He is putting everyone together in the places that they are called to be to release us for war. We have been preparing for it for a long time and things are stepping up, things are getting more intense. There is a purpose and a reason for everything that we have been going through. He is cleaning us up so we will be that pure spotless bride He has been waiting for. These are exciting days. May the grace and peace of Jesus Christ be with you in all that you do.